‘No Ordinary Love’: R. O. Kwon on starting a love story with open questions

American author R. O. Kwon, author of Exhibit, uses writing as a vehicle to explore people’s core desires. She’s interested in what moves and motivates people – so naturally, she often lands on the topic of love. For the No Ordinary Love anthology, Hinge partnered her up with a real couple who met on the app, Suraj and Sivitha, meaning she could question and unpack romantic desire in real-time. The process, Kwon says, was similar to her asking questions to fictional characters in her head. No Ordinary Love is an 80-page anthology of modern romantic prose challenging love story tropes and cliched narratives by celebrating the plot twists of real love. It features the stories of six real couples who met on Hinge, written by six groundbreaking authors: Roxane Gay, R. O. Kwon, Oisín McKenna, John Paul Brammer, Brontez Purnell, and Isle McElroy.

You can read Suraj and Sivitha’s story now at No-Ordinary-Love.co or grab a physical copy of No Ordinary Love in New York or London from September 23-30. Ahead of the release, we spoke to Kwon about mismatched desires, the role of chance, and being intentional in romance.

What’s a love story you wish you wrote and why?

R. O. Kwon: There’s a family story about a kisaeng (a Korean courtesan) and one of my ancestors who fell in love. It was a forbidden love because they were in very different stations. But they loved each other so much that when they were told they couldn’t be together, they died by suicide. I’m fascinated by the story because there continued to be stories in my family about people just blowing up their lives for love. This is something I want to keep exploring – throwing it all away for love.

This isn’t your first time writing about love. Did starting with a real couple change your approach and process? If so, how?

R. O. Kwon: When I write, it feels much closer to discovering than inventing. It almost feels as though a book pre-exists me, and I’m always asking characters who they are, what they want, and what they’ve gone through. So, talking to Suraj and Sivitha felt surprisingly similar. I asked them a lot of questions, which is how I approach fiction, but usually, it’s just in my head.

What surprised you the most about Suraj and Sivitha’s relationship story or timeline?

R. O. Kwon: Something that stood out to me was how thoughtful and considerate they were about really getting to know each other.

The story starts with Sivitha opening Hinge. What makes a digital connection a compelling starting point for a story?

R. O. Kwon: When I teach writing, I teach that attention can be provided by having open or unanswered questions. And when I write, I don’t ever really think about the plot; I’m much more interested in following the desires of the characters. Starting with an app just means there are so many questions from the start. It’s almost all questions from the start.

I love that the story unfolds from a long (well, medium) distance relationship. Did the physical distance change how you shaped the story at all?

R. O. Kwon: Every time they saw each other, there had to be real intention and planning behind it. There was a moment that I couldn’t find space to include where they’d been arguing, and Suraj came to London to drop off flowers and send a note to apologise. When he left, she was so moved. He’d taken an hour-long trip just to leave a note at her door. So, while writing, I was really aware of the thoughtfulness, care, and intention with which they were approaching each other.

The story is filled with tiny details that build up the experience of kissing someone for the first time and (eventually) falling in love. How did you gather these from Suraj and Sivitha?

R. O. Kwon: I find that if I don’t know what a character’s body is doing, then I don’t know very much about that character, period. So, at some point, I had to ask them for those details, like Suraj getting his trenchcoat wet when they were sitting outside or how they sat next to each other on the first date, and he was swinging back and forth. Once I know what the body is up to in each moment, then I know so much more about what a character might be thinking.

You also included a conversation about opening up the relationship (which was refused by Sivitha). Why do you think this topic was important to include?

R. O. Kwon: That was clearly a challenging moment for them because there was a mismatch in what they both wanted. But it was also important because it eventually brought them closer together and confirmed they just wanted to be with each other. As much as people might love each other, we hurt each other too. It’s not necessarily about never making mistakes; it’s about what we do from that point on.

What do you think the story adds to conversations around online dating today?

R. O. Kwon: With their story, I’m struck by the chance element of it. What if Sivitha’s roommate hadn’t suggested going on a date together? What if Suraj wasn’t in London that day? From their first date, they talked about how comfortable they felt with each other, and that’s really beautiful. It stands out how much the role of chance played in how they met.

What’s your favourite thing about writing about love? And your least favourite?

R. O. Kwon: I’m interested in following desire, and love is, of course, driven by desire. Love can also be an education. The fact that it takes small children a while to learn that other people are as real to themselves as we are to ourselves, that other people are mysterious and full of depth, becomes really visible through love. I don’t have the least favourite; I feel as though I’m always writing about love in one way or another.

Did you learn anything about your approach to relationships while writing Suraj and Sivitha’s story?

R. O. Kwon: I have a somewhat similar story to theirs, but it is just a little different chronologically. My partner was the first person I’d ever seriously dated. It’s not that I believe at all in one soul mate, but I don’t know that we get that many people that we’re intensely compatible with. Some of what Sivitha felt, like feeling comfortable with him the first time she spoke to him, I felt with my partner, too. When we come across these people, it’s such a miracle, and, to the extent of what’s possible, we should hold them close.

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