Are You Settling in Love to Avoid Loneliness? – Dating Relationship Coaching & Advice

Will you often settle to be with someone just to be in a partnership? If this sounds a little bit like you, today’s topic is something you should delve into. When you’re feeling discontentment in most of your partnerships, you are not being true to your authentic desires, which isn’t fair to you or the people you are spending time in a relationship with.

You may be fearful of loving someone just as much as you fear being alone.

You might think you are taking an easier path because you won’t get hurt if you don’t have strong feelings for someone. This is a wall some people build up to protect their hearts. Others have difficulty meeting a partner due to having a high-maintenance checklist and then eventually settling into a loveless scenario so they do not end up alone. Some people sabotage their own happiness without even realizing they are pushing people away out of fear.

It can be lonelier living in the wrong relationship than it is being single and living alone.

Many people think that being in a relationship defines them, but it truly doesn’t. Being comfortable in your own skin and making confident choices is always the better way. You don’t have to be in a relationship to feel whole!

Let’s face it, you can really like a person, have a lot in common with them and enjoy spending time with them, but it can also be quite confusing to know where you stand with someone in a new scenario.

It is not something you are comfortable asking early on, so you just keep going in the direction that is playing out at the time. Unfortunately, this doesn’t give you the clarity you need, and before you know it, you are in another repetitive pattern that doesn’t serve your true desires.

Dating today is not easy and many people don’t get past the first or second date, so it is refreshing and exciting when you are very compatible with someone. The big question to ask yourself during this time frame is: “are you in a comfortable platonic friend zone situation, or do you also have a romantic connection and deep feelings for your new partner?”

So how do you distinguish what real love is, and you’re not just settling to be in a relationship? Here are 8 points that can help you decipher this:

#1 – Having strong communication as a couple can help answer any questions that you may have in the early stages, and allow you to be openly honest if you have repetitive fears about being alone. You trust each other to show vulnerability and transparency with one another. You feel safe sharing your true self with them.

#2—When you’re with the right person, you won’t have to put on a façade. You feel completely at ease being yourself. You will be able to freely express yourself without squashing your thoughts, insecurities, or feelings. They will also be open to discussing their thoughts with you.

#3 – If you continually feel insecure or anxious in your partner’s presence, it is important not to ignore this. It could be your instincts warning you of something that you need to be aware of. There aren’t a lot of questions or fears when you are in the right partnership,

#4 – Learning how to cultivate self-love is imperative to avoid having dependency on your partner. They are not there to fix your fears; that is up to you. Once you comprehend this, you are on your way to being in the right relationship, and you will be more open to give and receive love.

#5 – Another big sign when you love someone, you want to be with them, but you don’t need to be. You should also be able to enjoy time alone without feeling insecure. Having outside interests and separate friendships is important because it gives you a purpose outside your relationship as well. Your partner doesn’t feel suffocated that you have to spend every minute with them, and vice versa.

#6 – You’re with the right partner when there’s no jealousy or clinging nature because you are confident in your own skin and secure with the love you share. We all have a few insecurities, but please don’t let them control how you feel in your relationship. The great thing about the internet today is that there is so much helpful information at your fingertips. Continuously working on yourself keeps you evolving into a higher place of self-worth.

#7 – There is reciprocated respect and healthy communication between you as a couple. You enjoy their company, and you miss them when you’re not with them. You look forward to sharing conversations about your time apart from each other, and you are encouraging and happy for each other’s successes.

#8 – You look forward to intimate and romantic moments with your partner. You are regularly affectionate. Making love with them is not a chore, it is a strong desire that you share as a couple.

If you are questioning your relationship right now, ask yourself how you would feel if your partner wasn’t in your life right now. Would you miss who they are as a person, or just miss their presence? Would you miss the intimacy, and do you enjoy romantic time together as a couple? When something starts to feel more like a chore in your relationship dynamics, this should not be overlooked.

Understanding your true feelings, and what is most important to you, is crucial to having a healthy relationship.

If you are in denial about being emotionally unavailable, you are not being honest with yourself or with your partner. Some people settle in a companion-style relationship and don’t share a deep-rooted love. While this may work for some couples, you’re ultimately giving up having a powerful reciprocated love that you could ultimately share with someone.

When you take the time to understand your emotions and do the necessary work on yourself, it will become much clearer to understand what love is. As the title of this post states today, there can be a fine line between love and loneliness. Not everyone was shown love in their lives, and they don’t always understand what this entails. This is especially true if you come from a difficult or loveless childhood.

You may not have always felt this way, but new insecurities have come into your life due to a past relationship or other troubled memories that are lingering.

I always suggest that if you have any fear about allowing love into your life, to talk to a professional who can help you decipher where this fear is derived from. If you bury these feelings of loneliness, you will continue to have the same results. It is worth the therapy to get the love you deserve.

Some men and women are actually afraid of deeply loving someone, so they choose a partnership that is surface comfortable. They feel more in control when they’re not head over heels in love with someone and if things don’t work out it will be less painful when it ends. This is not only a sad way to share your life with someone, it is definitely not the easy way to live either. You are being dishonest to yourself and to your partner.

Being in any relationship in your lifetime is an emotional journey.

Things don’t always work out the way you want them to. That is okay because moving forward you know what doesn’t work for you, and now you can put in a new energy that will take you in a healthier direction. The biggest life lesson is not to repeat something fearful, painful, or continually heartbreaking. Your instincts will always lead you on the right path, but you have to train yourself to hear them and follow them.

Photo by cottonbro studio

How can you tell you are in love with your partner, and you’re not just afraid of being alone?

• You miss them when you’re not with them and can’t wait to see each other when you have time apart.
• They are your first happy thought during each day. You always prioritize each other!
• You don’t feel stuck in your relationship and enjoy being with your partner. You have fun together!
• You only have eyes for them. You are not interested in meeting anyone else.
• There is a solid trust between you both as a couple, and you are able to share your thoughts without feeling any judgment from them. They have your best interest at heart and vice versa.
• There is reciprocated support, and you have each other’s back.
• There is no control in your relationship. You respect each other’s feelings, and you both take the time to listen to any concerns. You are open to making any changes that need addressing.
• You are equally attracted to one another and truly enjoy your intimate moments together.

Most of us have been through insecure times in our lives where we may have been afraid to be alone. This is why we must continue to evolve on a personal level. We shouldn’t depend on anyone to make us feel whole. Being in a relationship can be comforting, but you should also feel confident and solid as you stand alone. The important thing to remember is you can still feel lonely when you are in the wrong relationship.

Continuing to work on your self-esteem and your confidence is the best thing you can do to enhance your life. As I say in many of my videos, you are in charge of who you attract towards you. You’re also in charge of what doesn’t happen for you in your life. Change up your thinking and work on your fears to bring the right love into your life.

Thank you, Sybersue xo ❤️

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Don’t hesitate to get in touch with me @ [email protected] and message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube – Dear Sybersue Facebook

Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column –  Dear Sybersue Instagram