“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” – Ephesians 5:22-24
This verse can easily spark heated discussion—and for good reason, seeing that it is often misunderstood, taken out of context, and used as a weapon. If you are in a marriage where your husband lords his headship over you in an ungodly manner, I urge you to seek wise counsel from your pastors and elders.
The wives I will be addressing here are the ones whose husbands are not lording their headship over them. Rather, they have fallen prey to faulty teaching and don’t know their own rights as children of God and as partners to their husbands. Join me in looking at four ways being a submissive wife does NOT mean being a doormat.
1. Letting Your Husband Be Your Hero
Letting your husband be your hero does not suggest you are a struggling damsel in distress that needs saving. This does not mean you have to wait and let him do all the heavy lifting or that you have to fake being unable to open a jar of food to stroke his ego (yes, I was given that advice as a young bride).
What this does mean is recognizing that your husband was designed and called to emulate the greatest of heroes, Jesus Christ. When we think about heroes, from fictional characters to real-life soldiers, firefighters, and police officers, we see that they share a common ambition—to personally sacrifice in order to put others first.
Ephesians 5:25 tells husbands to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This is a high calling. It is more than saying, “Husbands, in a life-or-death situation, give your life for your wife.” It is saying, “Sacrifice your very being for the sake of your wife, the way that Jesus did for the church.”
Again, wives, don’t be fooled into thinking you can’t be strong and capable in order to see your husband as your hero. See your husband as your hero because that is who he is meant to be. He is meant to help sanctify you and present you as spotless and blameless before the Lord (Ephesians 5:27).
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/LordHenriVoton
2. Letting Your Husband Be Your Leader
Letting your husband lead doesn’t mean you aren’t a good leader. Letting your husband lead doesn’t mean he’s better at leading than you are. Letting your husband lead doesn’t mean you don’t get to voice your opinion or try to influence your husband’s decisions.
This means that you must recognize that the Lord placed your husband in a leadership role within the context of your marriage. You were not intended to blindly follow your husband; you were intended to stand by his side, encourage him, and help him fulfill the role he’s been given.
Ephesians 5:23 tells us that “the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.” Again, this is a high calling. It does not tell wives to be silent and act like subordinates. It tells wives to recognize the weighty responsibility their husbands have been given.
Wives, don’t be fooled into thinking you should walk a step behind your husband. You have a weighty responsibility of your own—to stand next to your husband and encourage him to be the man you know he can be. You can help him in his leadership efforts by lovingly guiding, supporting, and, ultimately, following his lead.
Photo credit: Pixabay/mina6120
3. Letting Your Husband Be Your Provider
Letting your husband be your provider doesn’t mean you aren’t a vital part of what makes your family thrive. In some homes, the wife makes more money than the husband, or she carries the much-needed insurance through her work. Letting your husband be your provider doesn’t mean you aren’t also providing.
What this does mean is that your husband is responsible to God to work hard and provide for his family’s needs in a way that allows all of you to thrive physically, mentally, and spiritually. In other words, being the provider for your family is more than just providing money to meet basic needs.
1 Timothy 5:8 says, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
This tells me that husbands and wives are both meant to be providers. But when we look at Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” we see husbands being called to a higher provision.
Wives, don’t feel you have nothing to contribute to your family by acknowledging that your husband is the provider. Ultimately, our Lord is the provider for us all. And just as we praise God for his provisions for the church, we should praise our husbands as they strive to make provisions for our family in the likeness of the Lord.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/jacoblund
4. Letting Your Husband’s Needs Come First
Putting your husband’s needs before your own doesn’t mean your needs never get met. This doesn’t mean you wait on your husband hand and foot or that your rest and relaxation are an afterthought or nonexistent.
This means that out of love and respect for the Lord and your husband, his needs come before your own, when possible. And, if your husband is living out Ephesians 5:25, he will strive to put your needs first, and you will find yourselves trying to outdo one another in service and good deeds.
Ephesians 2:3-4 tells us: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” This is a call to husbands and wives alike.
Wives, understanding this concept should afford you the freedom to ask for your own needs to be met. If your husband understands this concept, he will eagerly wait for the opportunity to meet your needs. Understanding this concept should allow you to joyfully meet your husband’s needs first, when possible, knowing you are honoring the Lord in sacrificial service.
Marriage can be difficult, even under the best of circumstances. But when a wife feels she is called to be a doormat rather than a co-laborer with her husband, marriage can seem like a curse rather than a blessing. If you struggle in this area because of faulty teaching, please seek wise counsel from a trusted friend, pastor, or elder. The Lord did not place you in the blessed position of wifehood for you to feel downcast and to live as a doormat.
In his grace, the Lord provided a husband for you so that your marriage would mirror his love for the church. Your Heavenly Father wants you to support your husband as he strives to live out his calling to love you as Christ loves the church. And he wants your cup to overflow with blessings as you and your husband both joyfully strive to mirror Christ.
Related:
What Is Submission in Marriage?
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/LaylaBird
Originally published Sunday, 23 February 2025.
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