Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy who you thought was the one? I mean, he was the perfect package on the outside—tall, handsome, said all the right things, and even attended church regularly. He seemed to be everything you prayed for in a future husband. But then, his true colors were revealed. You later discovered that he was not sent by God but more like by Satan. You were deceived and ended up heartbroken, feeling like a fool.
Sis, you are not alone. I, like many other women, share a similar story of a counterfeit relationship that left me angry and confused, picking up all the pieces of my shattered heart. But I want to tell you that there’s hope. God healed me and gave me wisdom to help me avoid it from happening again in the future. I want to pass this same knowledge on to you as your sister in Christ as I share more of my personal story—if you will let me.
What Is a Counterfeit Relationship?
First, I want to make sure we are on the same page when I refer to the term “counterfeit relationship.” It is a relationship that looks good on the outside but, deep down, lacks authenticity and substance. Counterfeit partners are deceptive by nature and often have ulterior motives—to damage their victims for personal gain by taking advantage of the vulnerable. They appear to be godly but are really wolves in sheep’s clothing. They are never truly surrendered to God.
2 Corinthians 11:14 says, “But I am not surprised! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light” (NLT). This scripture shows us that not everything that seems like light really is.
I want to share with you three tips on how to discern a counterfeit from the real thing so that you will never have to be deceived or go through the emotional pain of a counterfeit relationship again.
How to Recognize a Counterfeit Relationship
1. Check the Fruit
Oftentimes, many women can easily become head over heels for a love interest, which makes them fall prey to counterfeits. I was a hopeless romantic and an easy target for mine. I was blinded by love and overlooked many red flags. That’s why I encourage women to use their heads before their hearts become fully invested.
Sis, guard your heart and use your eyes. Look at the fruit in his life. Matthew 7:18 and 20 says, “A good tree can’t produce bad fruit, and a bad tree can’t produce good fruit…Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions” (NLT). Pay less attention to the words he says and more attention to what he is actually doing. Just because you met him at church or he is a professing Christian doesn’t mean he’s the real deal.
What is his character like? Does he follow through on his promises? Is he consistent? Is he living a life that is submitted to the Word of God and His commands? The guy I dated was flaky, his stories didn’t add up, and his personal lifestyle did not reflect that of a follower of Christ. His actions revealed bad fruit. You can imitate light, but you can’t fake fruit. So again I say, check that fruit!
2. Listen to Godly Counsel
Another tip I often give is: don’t date alone. I encourage you to invite your godly community into your dating relationships. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety” (NKJV). Wolves like to go after the loner, but if you stay within your community, you won’t become a victim of their schemes.
Your friends, family, and trusted people in your life can see what you can’t. They can also provide wise advice when challenges or uncertainty arise within the relationship. Now, I encourage you to take heed of their advice. My friends and family warned me about the guy I was dating. Unfortunately, I dismissed their warnings, and I suffered greatly. There’s no point in having counsel if you avoid their wisdom. So listen to them because they have your best interests at heart and don’t want to see you get hurt.
3. Trust God’s “No”
This one may be the hardest to do, but it offers the best reward. Unfortunately, for me, it took a while to see the importance of trusting God’s “no.” Along with not heeding the advice of my friends, I also disregarded the warnings from God.
You see, God warned me through several dreams that this guy had multiple women in his life and that he was not His best for me. I didn’t want to accept it because I didn’t want to be alone. I felt like God just wanted me to be single forever. But the truth of the matter was that He had better plans for me.
Isaiah 55:8 says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. Sis, you have to trust God. He has your best interests at heart. He can see the heart and secrets of the guy you are dating that you can’t see. He also knows the future and the plans He has for you. Whatever that may entail, just know that they are good because He is good! Trusting God’s “no” will save you time, resources, energy, mental stress, and heartache in the long run. It might not make sense at the moment, but looking back, you will realize it was all in love.
Finding Healing After a Counterfeit Relationship
It took a while, but I finally trusted God’s “no” for that particular counterfeit. Afterward, I focused on rebuilding my relationship with God and sought healing for my broken heart. I worshipped, read the Bible, prayed, journaled what was on my heart, took classes, hung out with like-minded believers, and focused on improving myself for when the right one came. I found Psalm 147:3 to be true: “He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds” (NLT). God did just that as I spent time with Him.
You may feel like you’ll never be able to love again after going through such emotional heartache, but I’m here to tell you that it will get better. True love is out there. At the right time, God brought me my husband, Damien. When he pursued me, I saw the godly fruit in his life, all my friends approved of the relationship, and God (and my natural father) gave us the yes to get married. Now, we are living in a purposeful and joy-filled marriage with kids. It was all worth the journey and the wait.
I pray you found my story encouraging. I want to leave you with this last thought: “It’s better to wait on the real thing than waste time on a counterfeit.” Sis, you’re worth more than an imitation. You deserve real, godly love.
If you enjoyed this blog, I would like to invite you to my FREE webinar called “Avoiding Counterfeit Relationships,” where I dive deeper into this topic and give you four practical steps on how to break free from a counterfeit relationship and receive healing as you wait for God’s best. I also have a FREE gift for those who attend the webinar and stay to the very end. You can gain access to the webinar HERE! See you inside.
With Love,
Kenady Nash
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/dragana991
Together, Kenady and Damien share content on relationships, faith, humor, and personal growth through YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok @DamienandKenady. They also co-own Completely You 365, LLC. To learn more visit completelyyou365.com.
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